Oh, Hey There. Didn't See You.

I have not written in ages, and for that, I apologize. I've been too busy being unemployed, and searching for summer since it appears to have gotten lost on the way here. Not to mention disappearing off into Dreamland whenever there are no dishes to unload from the dishwasher (DAMN, I hate that chore so much. All you dishwasher-less people probably laugh and say, "Ha. You think that's bad," but really, it sucks just as much as any other dish-cleaning experience after a while.)

You will be pleased to note that I will now catch you up on everything important or remotely interesting that has happened within the time since I've been here last:

1) I was almost hired on the spot at Future Shop because of my excellent bullshit spewing ability. Then they found out I was a student.

2) Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, Billy Mays, Walter Cronkite, Ed McMahon, Karl Malden, Steve McNair, Arturo Gatti, Marc Leduc, and Frank McCourt have all passed away. Within a month. I cried for Michael, and felt terrible for Farrah because of how much deserved attention was diverted from her death and onto someone else's. Also, so many deaths of people living in the public eye in such a short time is unnerving to me. Plus, the cat that I had since I was four years old also passed away, rendering me useless for almost a week. I plan on giving her a special dedication post later on.

3) I bought Martin, my betta, a new bowl. It is fantastic, and I rub it in the face of the two girls who stole the last available one from my fingertips at HomeSense two months ago. NOW I HAVE ONE TOO, BITCHES.

4) My cousin got engaged to someone who hates me because I let her leave a restaurant bathroom with a foot long piece of toilet paper trailing from each $500 designer high-heeled shoe. This will make any and all family gatherings, including tomorrow and the next day, quite interesting. I'm hoping she doesn't slip something into my drink at dinner.

5) I wrote and completed my mandatory entrance essay for post-secondary, and rocked it. I hope I beat the other highschool dropouts. Shazam.

6) My yearly physical revealed that I am not, in fact, 5'3 and 3/4 tall as I thought I was, but 5'3 and a half. This is bullshit.

Other than that, yesterday I succeeded in finishing painting a dresser, cleaning and reoganizing a room (getting it to perfection, oh yes,) becoming lost within London to the point of finding the END of a main street, talking to a shark at an aquarium store, and spending five hours assembling a desk that clearly did not want to be assembled. My boyfriend and I agreed; it was an amazing day. We both went home feeling fantastic.

I hope you feel "with it" and "caught up" and "ready for anything." Because clearly, my news boosts have enlightened your spirits and simultaneously moved you to tears. Right? No? Ah.

Hoping you are all well. I'll post pictures of my adventure day (and probably write about it,) and complete the post about my cat when possible. LOOK FOR IT ON NEWSTANDS NEAR YOU. (It's four dollars.)

-Bee

Update: Harry Patch, the last surviving veteran from WWI, has passed away as well.